Considering Separation? Consider these tips...
There are often a multitude of factors in play once your reach a point when separating from your partner makes more sense than staying in the relationship. It is easy to become overwhelmed by all there is to think about.
While you can never really be fully prepared for separation, there are some steps you can take early on to ease the burden. You situation will never be identical to someone else’s so there is no approach that suits everyone, nevertheless, the below provides a general guide of the practical steps you should be taking or at least considering. Failing to take action now can mean bigger and more expensive problems down the track.
We strongly recommend that you DO NOT:
1. take children out of the state or country without your ex/partners knowledge;
2. post on social media or publicize your relationship issues; or
3. text, email or otherwise communicate abusive, threatening, or intimidating messages to your ex partner at any time.
If possible, and desired, REMAIN IN THE FAMILY HOME. You will lose your right to occupy when you leave, so will you no longer have the ability to come and go as you please and will require your spouses consent. If children are involved and you are the primary carer, it is also less disruptive and reduces financial pressures if you remain in the family home.
Develop an ACTION PLAN having consideration to the following:
- Will you take the children with you;
- Where will you live;
- How will you pay rental bond and rent in advance;
- Open a bank account in your name if you don’t already have one;
- Arrange to have any income paid to that account;
- Close or hold joint accounts so one party cannot withdraw funds and cancel any redraw facility;
- Redirect your mail;
- Change all of your passwords;
- Check what information is stored in any computers or other devices you are leaving behind;
- Look into and apply for Centrelink benefits and child support if applicable;
- Are there steps you can put in place to protect your finances and equitable interests (tip: see step 1);
- Ensure you have some money available to support yourself and children;
- Consider whether other matters such as insurance policies, private health insurance, roadside assistance and loyalty cards need to have details updated;
- Consider where your ex partner may be listed as your or your child’s emergency contact and whether that is still appropriate;
- Update your will and power of attorney as soon as practicable; and
- Identify supports that may be available to you such as local food banks, women’s shelters and support agencies. Depending on your circumstances, understanding and obtaining entitlements at an early stage can help alleviate some of the pressure that comes with making taking the final step towards separation.
There are often a multitude of factors in play once your reach a point when separating from your partner makes more sense than staying in the relationship. It is easy to become overwhelmed by all there is to think about.
While you can never really be fully prepared for separation, there are some steps you can take early on to ease the burden. You situation will never be identical to someone else’s so there is no approach that suits everyone, nevertheless, the below provides a general guide of the practical steps you should be taking or at least considering. Failing to take action now can mean bigger and more expensive problems down the track.
We strongly recommend that you DO NOT:
1. take children out of the state or country without your ex/partners knowledge;
2. post on social media or publicize your relationship issues; or
3. text, email or otherwise communicate abusive, threatening, or intimidating messages to your ex partner at any time.
If possible, and desired, REMAIN IN THE FAMILY HOME. You will lose your right to occupy when you leave, so will you no longer have the ability to come and go as you please and will require your spouses consent. If children are involved and you are the primary carer, it is also less disruptive and reduces financial pressures if you remain in the family home.
Develop an ACTION PLAN having consideration to the following:
- Will you take the children with you;
- Where will you live;
- How will you pay rental bond and rent in advance;
- Open a bank account in your name if you don’t already have one;
- Arrange to have any income paid to that account;
- Close or hold joint accounts so one party cannot withdraw funds and cancel any redraw facility;
- Redirect your mail;
- Change all of your passwords;
- Check what information is stored in any computers or other devices you are leaving behind;
- Look into and apply for Centrelink benefits and child support if applicable;
- Are there steps you can put in place to protect your finances and equitable interests (tip: see step 1);
- Ensure you have some money available to support yourself and children;
- Consider whether other matters such as insurance policies, private health insurance, roadside assistance and loyalty cards need to have details updated;
- Consider where your ex partner may be listed as your or your child’s emergency contact and whether that is still appropriate;
- Update your will and power of attorney as soon as practicable; and
- Identify supports that may be available to you such as local food banks, women’s shelters and support agencies. Depending on your circumstances, understanding and obtaining entitlements at an early stage can help alleviate some of the pressure that comes with making taking the final step towards separation.
If you do leave the family home, TAKE ALL IMPORTANT ITEMS with you when you. Regardless of how you imagine the separation playing out, it may not be possible or safe for you to remain in or enter the family home after you have left. Consider taking:
- Marriage certificate (or copy);
- Children's passports and birth certificates (or copy);
- All financial documents such as bank account statements, mortgage statements, pay slips, tax return, superannuation statements, credit card and loan statements, share statements, etc.
- Personal belongings such as keepsakes, photos and albums and items of significant meaning to you.
- Furniture and other belongings will be valued at the market value (think garage sale) so it is best to take what you want with you.
If there are incidents of domestic and family violence, CONTACT the police even if you do not want to pursue a protection order at this time. Firstly, you need to protect your safety, but secondly, a contemporaneous report to the police is valuable evidence should the other party deny the accusations.
If you are a victim of domestic violence or are suffering from emotional or psychological stress because of your relationship issues then you should SEEK SUPPORT from your GP or a counsellor/ psychologist. This will not only help you obtain an objective insight into your situation and assist you in reaching your final decision, but it will also ensure that you are mentally prepared when the time comes to take action.
If it is safe and you are not experiencing domestic violence, SPEAK with the other party to formulate a plan as to practical arrangements when you separate. Things like living arrangements of yourself, the children and/or pets, division of assets, shared care and joint expenses should be considered.
Please contact Francis Family Law if you would like to be one of the 5% who seek the advice of a family lawyer prior to separation.
We will work with you to understand your situation, impart our knowledge and provide strategic advice to allow you to make informed decisions following separation to save money and emotional strain.
